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When I was young, I saw Heavenly Creatures - Peter Jackson's first non-gory, serious movie that changed the course of his movies forever. I dreamed of having a friendship like Juliet's and Paul's. It was a fantasy I could escape into instead of causing anger*.

*There's a common theme in real life where children could escape into fantasies of books and shows, even children with terrible lives could escape into a story - but me? I got angry at Alice and Dorothy and whoever else got to leave their home lives only to leave the wonderful other-world for their dismal home life again, when all I wanted was for a character to get away and never return. So few stories since have fit my standards.

Things get a touch sexual between the leads in Heavenly Creatures, but they'd explained that they were role-playing their hetero counterpart characters, and their appointed male Saints.

I was mad when people equated this to actually being gay. I was mad because I wasn't gay, and that had taken away this projection I'd put upon them - the only fantasy I could escape into: having a friend anywhere near that close.

I didn't really know about bisexuality back then, so the only raw feelings I have over this issue now is that calling them gay erases the possibility of them being bi.

So I still watch Gotham - I know, most of the storyline is shit (if you stopped early on, I assure you, it's still shit), but they have some decent representation in sexuality (even bi-visibility! Shocking!). And I still really love the Penguin's story. I know his actor, Robin Lord Taylor, is gay. His character remains the only one not driven (wholly or partially) by sex or romance. No idea the sexuality of the character, but without that kind of drive, he's become an asexual icon for me.

And I was mad over the first fan theories of Penguin and Riddler being gay for each other, but this time, it wasn't because that was taking away another projection. Riddler was holding Penguin against his will, albeit with the best intentions, but still.

Penguin had such hard times brought upon him, losing every friend and family member in the worst possible ways. I felt connected to him in that way. I wanted to escape into a fantasy where I was his friend. And the Riddler's true motives are still an actual riddle to me (well done there) and I don't trust him, and he's going to end up being one more person to tear into the Penguin.

But then last night, raw feelings for Riddler aside, I felt really warm seeing this bond of friendship sealed between them - softly lit, dripping with 'misdirection' and cinematically shot to give the fangirls their squee of being right about them all along. And it's super cute. I do hope for the best between them.

But you would understand a protective feeling over any of my favourite characters, right?

Quick Update


  • I've gotten back on track with Emily, but since it's the beginning of the dark times (seriously, I woke up yesterday at a quarter to 8 and it looked like it was a quarter to 5 outside), so I'm going to need more alone-time than I did over the summer, to recharge.

  • I haven't heard from or seen Brian in a couple of weeks. I'm sort of okay with this, as he's hard to take in while he's not medicated. Saw our mutual friend Tim earlier this week and he hadn't seen him in a few days (suspecting him of either skipping town or getting captured again).

  • I had a nice movie date with Ron. He was supposed to be my Horror buddy this month, but we decided to see Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, since we'd both recently read the books and had been wanting to see it for a while. I've also decided to make him my "accountabili-buddy" this winter for practicing our instruments. I've put off playing the violin since the beginning of summer, and he's been putting off starting learning the guitar, so I told him we can help each other stay accountable for our practice sessions over the winter.

  • I called Charles's brother Jeff (I call him Jeff-Jeff), and talked to him for almost an hour. Mostly I let him vent off some stresses.

  • I called an old friend Josh about him getting involved in a project with a production company as a writer, and he offered me some work as a voice-actor on his two most recent projects.

  • And I texted with my old friend Gopal (from the band Bella Morte - who will be at RuffleCon this weekend. Gopal isn't part of the band anymore, but Andy & Tony are the sweetest peaches and all the lolitas should hug them). He gave me his new address so I could send him goodies.


  • I've been going strong on this ketogenic diet for almost two months! I thought it'd be hard, but all the dietary changes I've tried over the years (going gluten-free, soy-free, atkins, paleo - the first two for deeper health reasons) have made it an easy transition. There are a lot of real food people tend to avoid in favor of highly processed diet crap, but they are good on this diet - high fat (yay for bacon, butter, chicken with skin, and heavy cream) and low carbohydrates (no sugar or grains or starchy veggies whatsoever)... and moderate protein. It's weird, because I can't have carrots or sweet potatoes or rice, but I can have jello with whipped cream and a diet pepsi. I enjoy the hell out of it! People are afraid of it because they associate high fat with high cholesterol. It only causes high cholesterol if you also eat high carbs.

  • I joined a gym, but have only been four times so far (started working to change that this week, with at least two a week - Tuesdays and Thursdays). Planet Fitness is the gym. I've got a Black Card, so I can go to any of them. I've been to 3 so far. Not fond of the second one I tried, but love the last one I tried. I have a very peculiar lock that I bought from an old Chinese woman at a flea market, when I was a kid. It's an old padlock shaped like a dog (looks like the one in this listing). Someone must have thought it was great, because when I came back into the locker room for my workout, it was in another position (it doesn't dangle - it's a tight fit around the lock-hole). Good thing it works. I'd have been pissed if I lost it. It's my favourite lock.

  • In a month and a half, I've lost 15 pounds! That's a whole stone! 20 more pounds and I'll have reached my first goal of getting below 200 lbs. I started at my heaviest: 234 lbs.

  • I can also run faster (albeit on an elliptical). My mile started at over 20 minutes, then down to 18, then jumped to 12.5, and as of yesterday, it's at 11 minutes! I was racing the clock on my 11" mile, though, so I'll probably stay there for a little bit. When I get closer to my first goal, I'm going to try switching to the treadmill.

  • I've gotta start stretching. 1) I tend to only do cool-down stretches after home workouts. 2) I wanna get flexible. 3) My muscles are so sore right now!

  • Like I said way up in the very first paragraph, the dark times are rolling in, and I've been feeling it beating down on me in body and spirit. My joints are bumming me out, I feel tired even when I wake up well-rested, and I think my depression is peeking its head back in (I haven't seen it in well over a year).


  • I put Only Horror October and Inktober on hold, but should be getting back into it next week. I'm only 3 or so days behind, so I think I can catch up soon. Another reason I didn't make an OHO schedule is that I've been going off-schedule a lot, and watching horror-themed shows in place of movies.

  • I no longer fear Drumph becoming president. This country would never allow that to happen.

  • I flipped the futon and it's got fluff again!

  • Booty.

Only Horror Inktober

There are two things I try my best to complete every year. Only Horror October (OHO) and Inktober.

Only Horror October is an ambitious list of horror/spooky movies I haven't seen (or haven't seen in a very long time) that I watch throughout October. I usually pull suggestions from people across my social media, but I decided I wanted to play catch-up and theme it this year, so I focused on some of the greats, plus some from the last two years I didn't get to see.

Also this year, I made a list, but not a schedule. I usually release a calendar image with all the movies listed, and invite people over to watch on whatever night they want (barring some blackout dates where I'll be too busy for guests), but I decided not to do it this year because of one person who always gave me anxiety about it, always tried to convince me to come to her house instead, to sleep over, to be stuck there without a ride home... She completely refused to understand that if I'm there, the people who come to my house will be stuck at my front door because I'm not at goddamn home. She also refused to understand the fact that I can't do certain times of the day or specific nights (I gave her details and she kept "forgetting"). I couldn't handle it this year, so I not only blocked her from seeing it on my facebook, but I also just said, whatever, pick a night and a movie, we can watch at my place. But I'll be okay if no one comes this year.

[the image is a link to my Letterboxd account where I rate and/or review each film I watch]
[and here is a more clear image so you can see what movies I have listed]

My other project is #inktober on instagram. Art made with just ink (or mainly ink). Previously, I only posted my decent pieces, but this year I'm going to strive for ALL of them to be decent enough to post, and if they aren't great, I'll post anyway. I have a moleskine sketchbook just for Inktober that I've been filling over the years. I think after this year, I'm going to hand-make a sketchbook just for my ink work, using bristol paper, because the moleskine paper is really shitty for some ink work (as you can see in my washes - thicker ink nibs also feather out, so I can't use those either).

You'll see a lot of prompt lists out there. The official instagram for Inktober has an official prompt list, but really you can do whatever you want. I tend to work with the OHO movie list and draw based on what I've watched that day, but I also made my own list of ideas, keeping with the spookiness of October. In the thumbnail below, you can see Robbie from Gravity Falls, Terrence from The Gate 2, and Morticia Addams.

[the image is a link to my instagram, but feel free to like the facebook page for my other art]


Thirsty and Miserable
We had to go straight to the bar, because we'd be over an hour late. Charles said we needed to check in, so I had him just drop me off on Agusta and I waked over to Baldwin and joined my friends at Thirsty & Miserable: my favourite hole-in-the-wall bar in the Kensington Market. I wasn't sure I'd recognize Ian without his beard, but I heard that Australian accent right away and ran up for a hug. He sat on the corner with a fellow Whitechapeler I never met before (even online) named Peter. We had a great conversation about who-remembers-what and then Charles got there maybe an hour into it and sat between Peter and me. They got along immediately, both being in the media business.

A group of others showed up, only one more that I knew: Mike Parsons (of Hey Apathy and local mural fame), and a couple others (Trevor and Cass, if I recall their names correctly). I bounced conversations between Charles & Peter and Ian & Cass before half of us went outside for some air and whatnot, and I had my first puff of a cigar. Charles and Pete stayed inside, completely engulfed by their chat, while the rest of us shot-the-shit outside in the cool air. They joined us shortly after midnight as we all collectively decided to head our separate ways.

Hugs exchanged, and then Mike and Cass told us about Nuit Blanche on Saturday night. I've always wanted to be in town for Nuit Blanche.

I've never entered Toronto too busy to check in and too busy to check out, but there's a first time for everything.

Nuit Blanche.
Less sleep, more art. A city transformed by artists in the night, through the night, from sunset to sunrise. 91 officially marked installations around the city, plus a myriad of street performers.

We were already on Bloor, so we tried to find a few installations up that way first. The Firefly Effect at the Royal Conservatory of Music was gorgeous, and a good start to the evening. The creator turned the garden into an electric firefly habitat, where passerbys could control the sounds with their own smartphones.

After we failed to find good stuff elsewhere on Bloor, we headed down to Queen and got food - Burger Priest had the greatest burger I've ever tasted in my life. We walked out as a couple of teens walked in. I heard one tell the other, "You're about to eat the greatest meal of your life," and I verbally agreed. I texted my location to Mike. We were on opposite ends of Queen, headed toward the center. We met up with hugs and discussed what to do. Charles had plans, I had fewer plans, Mike went with the flow.

We walked down John Street to catch some acts that we didn't find, or didn't find very interesting. Halfway down to King, Mike opened his field bag and handed me a Heineken and opened one for himself too. We toasted the night and drank two more after as we made our way down toward Union and looped around back up to the other end of Queen, at City Hall, where the two installations I wanted to see were set up. Mike said he was glad he got to revisit this one, because it was not impressive when he started there.

OBLIVION was the name of the collective piece: three artists explore the elemental aspects of our cosmic existence. "Ocean" was the one I wanted to see because the website and artist's rendering made it look amazing. "Death of the Sun" turned out to be my favourite - a giant ball with the sun projected onto it. We watched as the center turned white until it was just a glowing orb, and then it burned out and went dark. We didn't see "Pheuma," but I suspect the crowd concealed that one from us.

Charles and I never walked this much of the city before - we always took transit. It's smaller than we imagined. Mike walks the whole city every day. Amazing. He walked us back up Yonge til we got to our street where we went our separate ways. My face hit the pillow so hard. I'm glad we didn't stay out the whole night (this thing goes til 7am, but most people thin out by 4. We ended the night around 2 or so) because I had somewhere to be in the morning.

International Makeup Artist Trade Show. I originally came up to Toronto to grab a few beers with Ian (he moved to New Brunswick, so on the occasion he comes down, I said I'd meet him for drinks), but then I heard IMATS is the same weekend, so I got my ticket last month. Even though Mike told me how close of a walk it was from Queen, I still didn't want to have to get up early enough to make that walk, so I took the subway to Union Station (where Mike had an installation piece that I still didn't get to see, as Union is kind of a labyrinth) and walked Front Street to the convention center. Not as long a walk as advertised, in my opinion, but maybe my legs were just glad for a sit-down. I crouched down on the platform because my heels were so tense.

I waited in a line the entire length of the convention center, but at least it moved fast, and I got my bracelet within ten minutes - just enough time to cool off from the walk. I got a free IMATS bag, thankfully, since I didn't have pockets and didn't want to carry my phone and wallet in my hand the whole time (I forwent a purse).

First stop: Shopping. Jordane Cosmetics (one of the sponsors), where I met some very helpful folks who had me sold on a nice SkinFX palette, as well as some body dirt (fake filth in a jar) and a free bottle of brush-cleaning solution. After visiting their biggest sponsor, Royal Langnickel, for a fancy set of makeup brushes, I went back to Jordane for a custom eye-shadow palette. I also bought an IMATS pin from the Makeup Artist Magazine booth.

Lime Crime had the tiniest selection, and I didn't even get to see it up close as the line to get into their booth had a ten minute wait. Kat Von D's booth had a Game of Thrones type throne with giant tubes of lip gloss bursting from behind it. I considered having a seat and a photo, but their line wrapped back almost as far as the line to get into the show. NYX not only had a long line, but also a GIANT crowd. I was really bummed I didn't make it into that one. I don't know what the big deal about Morphe Brushes is, but their line was longest of all!

I checked out the horror makeup museum along the back wall and swooned over the Pyramid Head and Nurse statues, as well as so many other gross things. I also caught the Battle of the Brushes models being made up and then photographed for Makeup Artist Magazine.

There were a few made up faces that were not included in Battle of the Brushes, from keynote models to booth demo models. I wish I'd seen some of the earlier models get made up. There was one who I saw at a booth from the time I got in til the time I was ready to leave. That's a long sit-down.

The educators' key-note demonstrations were hit-or-miss in weird ways. Thomas Surprenant had amazing work, but his Monster Call demo was boring - he started work on a couple of models, but didn't finish. He continued on a model backstage and I got to see the completed beauty at the Makeup Artist Magazine photo shoot. Neill Gorton's demo was amazing, but boring and hard to see - he aged his model with prosthetic cheeks and a bit of makeup. It was cool to see how flawless the transformation was, but not great to watch, since you couldn't see the colours or items used unless you were in the front row (I was as close to the front as I could get and still could barely see it). Randy Daudlin's is the one that kept me all the way through. "Street Fight 101" gave a walkthrough of basic bruising and blood techniques, as well as applying some small prosthetic cuts. He's directly related to Jordane Cosmetics, so I'm glad I got to see my new kit in action. And I got the ball rolling when he asked for questions and no one raised their hands, so I felt somewhat useful.

I snuck a front-and-center seat (reserved for Pro Card members) at the Battle of the Brushes award show and took a million photos. They were mostly great. They were almost all amazing. One model had a kind of devil-may-care attitude, but it worked for her. And there was one plus-size model who just had absolutely no model quality in her whatsoever. She looked miserable, her outfit wasn't fitted right, her makeup was lazy, and it looked like she got her posing techniques from the Jan Brady. The prizes were awarded in reverse of what I believed should have won. First place seemed like third place material to me, and third seemed like first.

I had a great time, and I'm eager to try to make it next year!

The Faint
Ending on a slightly sour note that lasted over an hour of contemplative driving out of the city. We passed by Velvet Underground on the way out and I saw on their marquee: THE FAINT. They played Sunday night. The fucking Faint. One of my favourite bands from my early 20s. In the same town as me. $30cad. Playing with other cool acts. Which meant they wouldn't go on til after 9pm. We'd get out so late, we'd have to stay another night. Can't get home at 5am and go to work the next morning, and I'm covering my boss as far as holding the fort down goes while he's on emergency leave.

The fucking Faint. God, that'd have been a great end to the weekend.

Makeup and Watercolour

Next weekend, I'm 100% getting a new tackle-box for my SFX makeup. It's WAY too packed to close safely anymore. I'll be going to IMATS in Toronto on Sunday with around $200 to spend - hopefully on some Skin Illustrator palates, and maybe a matte colour palate. I forgot what else I wanted to get, but maybe I'll figure it out when I get there. Shit, what am I gonna wear??

So I started practicing my SFX art again, and I got to try out some new supplies. I started with a quick-and-easy sickly-looking face, and the next one I tried out my new shit (siliglass and what I thought was scar putty).

For the first one (I did this a week or so ago), I had zero opportunities to shower for an embarrassingly long time, so I used my gross stringy hair to add character. I paled my face, darkened and pink'd my eyes and waterline, and made my lips look SO chapped. I don't know exactly what I was going for, but I like the turn-out. Kinda reminded me of Helena from Orphan Black.

Got my siliglass (silicone glass) in the mail yesterday, so I experimented with whatever else I had. I thought this stuff I had was nose-and-scar putty, but it turned out to be derma wax - way too sticky to work with properly, and didn't like taking makeup or a brush. I think I disguised the shit well enough, but it's still not as good as I'd hoped it would turn out. The siliglass was a bit awkward, too. It came in large chunks I had to cut down, but I couldn't make it too thin. Definitely looks like real glass, though :)

And here's a new watercolour I did last Tuesday at the Lovin' Cup. Suspiria!

Eerie Gift!

I got the best package in the universe from froodle earlier this week. I've been meaning to post photos, but haven't had a moment's time.

Some "unboxing" photos...

And one action-shot photo (though I may have more in the future.

I also frequently use the glasses-cleaner, and it is quite possibly the best I've ever owned. My Pitt Bull Surfers pin went directly onto my punk hoodie, my Order of Corn / Foreverware satchel holds some gym stuff in my gym bag, and my glorious Radford mirror went directly into my makeup basket :)
Edit: I thought the action shot included my keys and the Marshall Missing keychain, but I guess not.

Thank you, froodle! You're the coolest!

Get Your Shit Together!

I think I'm doing a good job at getting and keeping my shit together. The kitchen stays mostly clean, and I've primped it to the point where even a couple dishes left on the counter bugs me. I finally got to the point in my bedroom where it's clean enough that I can just make the bed and feel relaxed (instead of being tensed by the messiness). I vacuumed my closet, too. Damn. I still have a ways to go in regards to my desk being clean enough, though. Living room's nice again, too. Shit's been put away, and I flipped (and vacuumed) the futon cushion, so I can sit on the couch with comfort again.

I made a new sketchbook with a big pad of watercolour paper (I split each page -and some cardboard- into 4 small pages and punched holes in them to make a ringed book). I've filled two pages, so far.

(the picture is also a link to my facebook art page)

I'm also keeping my diet strong! I started it the day before my last period, and I somehow managed not to let that ruin it (as it has every time in the past). The diet is working well, and I've lost ten pounds!!! Dude! I also finally got my food stamps (thought I would die in the Social Services building - 3 hours), so now I can actually buy the foods I need to eat healthy.

My monthly habit board is now a weekly, so I have room for some other stuff to put up on the board. I still need to get some hanging supplies for my large inspiration board, but that should be fast coming, as I'm thinking of getting a day pass at the bus station today, so I can go to the gym and do some shopping (edit- oh... I'm down to under $20 in my account, so maybe not today). Oh yeah, I joined a gym - have only gone twice this past month, but am hoping to change that soon.

Last things I need to do is KonMari my sewing studio and clean my workshop. And replace as much of my plastic kitchen ware as I can with glassware.

IMATS Toronto!

I'll be going to Toronto Friday the 30th of September til the 2nd of October. I'll arrive Friday night to meet up for drinks with Ian (and some other Toronto friends, hopefully) at Thirsty & Miserable, will schmooze around town on Saturday, and then on Sunday, I'll be going to IMATS!!!

I bought my IMATS ticket yesterday with the money I made from selling off that Wet Moon piece. Thanks, Sophie, I guess.

I am really excited, because not only will I be finally going to IMATS, but I will be going on what I think is the best day, PLUS I might be able to see my friend Liz who is going up the same weekend for the same event (she is a makeup professional at MAC)!

This makes me want to do more SFX makeup this month. I just don't know where to start. I guess I could start by buying new wax and a proper colour palate, but then again, I really want to buy one there, too.

Start & Finish - Update

Okay, so back in February, I posted this list of things I need to start and finish, and I've decided to re-order things and cross things off a bit.

I've put together small notes (about half the size of a post-it) depicting each step in each of these projects - between 5 and 9 steps per project. I'm going to take one project and clip each step to my work-board. When I complete the first step, I'll take it down and remove it. I hope it'll be a good system.

STARTING QUEUE (not in order)
Comic projects:
-Under the Sea
-I Married James Hook

"AAAhh!!! Real Monsters! monster manual
-Short stories
-Marshmallow ashcan

Fan Arts:
-Over the Garden Wall
-Sparks Nevada
-Gravity Falls
-Motel Monstre
-Devil's Carnival
-Another Period

-Josh's commission
-Draw Each Other submissions
-Memento Mori set
-Friend-Face submissions

-BBBB (probably won't get to this one)
-Frillies & Shinies (collaborative piece put on the backburner)
-Sunshine & Sweet Potato (collab - backburner)
Cast moulds Have done this, and it's awesome. Will be working with moulds again soon.
Build a kotatsu
Build a music stand
Build a new website
Redesign old website
Fan Art:
-Welcome to Night Vale
-Adventure Time
-Hey Arnold
-Kim Possible
-St. Trinian's

New purse design (including makecup & pen compartments)
Sew new skirts
Submit applications to conventions and festivals rejected twice.
Make new show-reels for Jeff (film, commercial, stage)
Submit "First Date" story to a magazine or a podcast
6x6 (and you should too!)
Art of Lost Things sculpture show
Nickelodeon storyboard

stain wood table
put together & stain new table
Short Stories:
-My Life in Mono
-Lady of Shallot
-Operation Save Point
-12:07 (storyboard)

Read Friends' books (Keegan, Eric, Meags, Brian)
Miskatonic Library project
Sketchbook Project (tm)
My sketchbook project
Transfer loose notes to where they belong



I just checked my mail and I sold the most expensive thing I have listed on eBay (a $175 original Sophie Campbell Wet Moon illustration)!

I'm selling off a lot of Sophie Campbell stuff (formerly Ross Campbell).

Cat out of the bag, she's my ex, and we had a nasty breakup. I'm not gonna go into details, but the breakup completely blindsided me and she gaslighted me into thinking it was all my fault, even though it wasn't. She also did this to a handful of her other friends.

It sucks to get rid of some of this stuff, but it hurts too much to look at it. I've still kept some of her older stuff, but I'm still struggling with the idea of getting rid of those - she'd personalized some of them, and even gave me a shoutout IN the last Wet Moon comic.

Hell, the Glory books already on the chopping block have a photograph of Ross that I took - Image used the other photo I took in one of the TMNT comics, too. It's like cutting off that one part of me that felt useful to her (at one point, hearing about the other friends she ditched, I assumed she dumped me because I wasn't useful to her career).

Anyway, I have some of her original Hunger Games illustrations, Wet Moon prints, and a couple comics left.