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Honey in my Gears
Our virtues are most often but our vices disguised
Recent Entries 
19th-Sep-2017 12:03 pm - New Campus, New Me
Vincent x Diello
Maybe not a new me, but definitely a new campus and new sense of trying to level up my adulthood.

The downtown campus of the college where I work moved, and it's now twice the distance from my home, in the High Falls district (juuuuust outside Center City). That's annoying, but workable. I now have to take two buses to get home. They got rid of the campus-to-campus shuttle, but they DO now have 3 city buses for MCC, which are free for student/staff use, thank goodness. I have yet to experiment with it (shall this afternoon, because these shoes are not made for walking).

The new campus is much nicer than I thought it'd be. I knew it'd look nice, but the area in which I work has half the computers it did at the old campus. These computers are for students to work on their homework between classes. The old lab was constantly packed. Here, it's pretty quiet most of the time, and even though there are half the computers, there's no fight for a spot. I don't know if it's because there are more students with laptops, or if there are other labs, but it's nice.

I'm stoked that I have my own file cabinet for supplies (and files in the bottom drawer). It's stupid, but I didn't have my own drawers at the old campus, so I had to trust that no one would go into the shared drawers to steal from my emergency stash or do something with my coffee mug or something. My co-worker took me to the supply closet to 'shop' for stuff for the drawers. I was like a kid going back-to-school shopping XD

The not-so-nice part is that I'm stationed by the (very creaky) door, so everyone comes to me first to ask every question that are for someone else in the department.

Oh, and for the first full week of college, only 140 students were given access to the secured wireless network. That was fun. I worked directly with the network guy to solve the problem. Then we had another problem with the wireless. Students can access it, but some can't get to the internet. I wish I knew networking jargon (it's not pivotal for my job, but it helps with rare instances) because I wanted to ask a question about the coding when they fixed the access cap, if maybe it wasn't matching with something somewhere else in the code (if there's code involved - this is what I'm talking about with not knowing the jargon). I figure it's something like web design. If you change the code in one place, you gotta make sure another component knows it's changed and matches up. Lo and behold, that's what happened. We fixed the issue where only 140 IPs were being given through our network. But didn't apply that fix to the firewall, so only 140 IPs were allowed access to the outside world. Hopefully, it's all fixed now.

Then there's the kicker - there are 6 workers in my department (Student Tech Help Desk, and I'm the only rep at this campus). 5 if you don't count the completely incompetent one. Plus the boss. THREE of our workers quit on the first day of classes. That left me on this campus, and our new staff-member at the other, plus the boss. I pulled doubles for the first week, and part of the second. Thankfully, the rush dies down fast, but still. This was a good motivator for my bosses (my boss, and his boss) to start pushing for a full-time slot to be made for my job. I told them I'd be able to get a car with a full-time job, so I could go between campuses if I was needed. I've been with them the longest. This is my only job (except 1 day a week at the liquor store). I'm the most dedicated.

No dice yet, but I feel closer to full-time than before.
10th-Aug-2017 08:15 pm - Famous People (in Two Parts)
Tank Girl - Introduce Myself
1. Me (and Voltaire)

I'm apparently well-known amongst Voltaire's fans, at least according to this one woman I've attracted over on Facebook messenger. He has mentioned me on stage and in his videos on occasion, I was in his music video where I became friends with his future ex-wife, and I supply him with buttons when he needs them. Hell, he even slept with one of my dear friends! We are considered friends in each others' eyes. I only mention this to you, LJ friends, because I've blogged here over the years about pretty much all of this as it happened (and I couldn't contain my excitement). I'm not trying to brag.

But man, this woman won't stop messaging me about all of her exploits with Voltaire! She goes on and on about making out with him at shows, because when he gets drunk, his nose pokes her in the eye, or his beard is too scruffy for her ultra-sensitive skin - aside from the picture she sent of them kissing, she also thought it fine to send me a picture of her gross, rashy cleavage to show me how sensitive her skin is, wtf), and how she gets free merch and free access to his shows, and she has the prototype of one of the toys he designed...

I'm sure she means well, or she's trying to drum up hits on her FB page by slinging my name and my Voltaire photos around. She is acknowledging me, and even slung in mentioning both my Like-pages, but the photos she grabbed, she "color-corrected" to the point where they look far more grainy than they started. That's how this all started; by her asking if she could use the most recent photos I took at his Albany show in tour-promo posts on her page, but also stated that if it wasn't me, she'd just take whatever picture she wanted from whoever. Fuckin' what?

She's still going on as I type this... does she not have anything else to do with her day? I've gone down to single-word/emoji replies on the occasion I check the stream of messages she's sent me.

2. Bella Morte (and Me)

Bella Morte are old friends I met ages ago through my now ex-bestie R., and they are currently touring with Voltaire, so when I arrived at the club, I immediately spotted Voltaire outside having a smoke and approached him, gave him a hug, and then recognized the guy he was talking to as Tony, the guitarist for Bella Morte. And another guy who turned out to be the new drummer.

I knew I'd get happy warm hug greetings upon seeing me, but what I didn't expect was having him introduce me to the drummer as the person who sent him the best birthday card in the world. I had no idea what Tony was talking about, but he continued the story and regaled the tale of me taking a picture of me in my bra, with the words "Happy B-Day Tony" written on my chest in fake blood. OMG I forgot I did that, and I would have been totally embarrassed if it wasn't something I'd totally do again XD

What blew me away was when Tony asked me about my art and the book deal. I was so (internally) shocked that he knew about that. I thought he and Andy (the singer) had become so busy and so famous that I was blown away by the fact that they (Andy mentioned it too) actually pay attention to me on FB and Instagram! I felt so fucking... relevant!

I especially didn't think they'd be paying attention to me after R. and I broke up - which, it turns out, Andy didn't even realize. He asked if I've talked to her recently, so I broke the news. R. dumped me so hard a few years ago. I may have touched base on it here, but I don't think I went into any detail in print, ever (and I'm not about to start - R. (who is now transitioned to S.) is a very well-known person, and I'm not in the business of dishing on famous folks, even if they did hurt me in a horrible way). I asked if we could still be bros, and he said, "Of course!" And went on to say he knows how hard it is to go through something like that, and he's not the type to take sides after friends split from each other.

The whole night made me feel very warm, and it definitely rekindled my diminishing security of being able to rock at the book project!

Famous people are paying attention to me. Life is weird :)
2nd-Aug-2017 10:18 am - BoJack Heartbreak
OtGW - Grow Tiny Seeds
I've been binge-watching BoJack Horseman on Netflix. The characters aren't hugely lovable, but they're all oddly relatable, despite them all being Hollywoo(d) stars. The show's not as much about their successes as it is their downfalls, and therein makes it relatable. And dark. It's so dark. All the worst and most upsetting things a relatively average person can do is done, from general bad decisions like fucking over a friend to sleeping with an ex's teenage daughter, to publicly getting an abortion and writing a horrible song about it, to dragging a sober friend into your drug bender...

The second-to-last episode of season 3 HAUNTS me, because heartbreaking spoilerCollapse )

I can't shake it.
26th-Jul-2017 10:40 am - I'm Rubbish
MTV - Julie's Mirror
...at keeping up with my friends feed/comments. I'm sorry.

I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

Three fitness classes for 3 days in a row each week is awesome, but combined with my work schedule, the rest of my hobbies are taking a back seat. I haven't played violin since my tutor moved to Buffalo (will try to amend that in August and will find a new tutor in September). I have purchased craft supplies, but haven't touched them (I did sew a strap onto my Wuzzles gym bag, so there's that), and . Even ice skating is beginning to take a back-seat (though, that has more to do with the overcast days taking their toll). I was hoping to get on the ice again today, but left my skates in the car (kinda on purpose).

Overcast days are causing me to make my stupid iphone games an addiction. I need to delete them, but... you know. If I've got things I need to do, I'm okay with avoiding it, but... ugh.


Overcast days be damned, I found another new hobby! Geocaching! oooooh!

My cousin Liz found out my yoga partner dropped out after one class, so she swooped in to take her place. She introduced me to the world of geocaching, and I love it. There's a great thrill in looking under light-pole boxes and in tree knots to discover tiny treasure boxes or minuscule canisters full of tightly wound name/date logs for those who've found it before. The first one I found was a big container (like, instant coffee sized) full of a notebook, pen, some coins, and a little dinosaur figure. I gotta go buy some cheap-o dollar store garbage to put in the ones I find. It's so cool!
18th-Jul-2017 01:19 pm - Schedule
Vincent x Diello
My week is JAM PACKED.


Aerial Yoga

Lovin' Cup

(bus to) Boulder
Walk home
Aerial Core
Movie night at Lux

Movie Date

(or Skate/Gym, depending on
if there are night skates)
Weekly report on illustration commission.


Amendments: fitting in time to illustrate and heal from the aerial classes. Healing took a lot of time last week. I was actually scared I'd done serious damage, but I'm fine now. Some skate/gym days may be replaced with resting/healing. And thus...

I may be quitting Barre class. Of all the hardcore aerial classes, the one that's not aerial, but is standard Ballet is the one that did me in. After the first class, I had such bad pain in my legs that I couldn't walk (I mean, I could, but only when I had to). I called it "baby legs" where I would stiffly wobble and my knees would buckle back every few yards. I finally couldn't take it anymore and had an ice bath and ibuprofen, which helped a lot. Still, though. My friends are most likely going to quit barre. It won't be as much fun alone.

(edit: one friend showed up last night, and my legs aren't on fire today, so I have decided to stick it out :) )

And the friend I signed up for yoga with has already decided to drop it after one class. Butts.
11th-Jul-2017 12:48 am - Loads!
FLCL - Space Pirate
July seems to be going pretty well so far! Saved the best news for last, so if you wanna skip the boring stuff...

Skating Wipe-Out!.
I still like skating, and I'm strengthening my weak points and finally getting better at spins, and learning some backwards tricks, but it's less fun when there's nobody to skate with. Even Charles doesn't like it when it's just us. But at least I wasn't totally alone when I had the wipe-out of my life!

I was working on a 2-foot twizzle (where I rotate around mid-glide so I'm gliding backwards, but in the same direction) in the middle of the rink (someone else was hogging the boards where I'd otherwise be practicing - much safer). I almost got it, but had no idea how to "stick the goddamn landing," as Chalen says, and I fell straight backwards. Landed first on my left ass-meat, then kept plummeting back til I full-bodied the ice. My glasses went flying. My phone, which was in my pocket, went flying. I was not in any way hurt, but three people rushed to surround me. People aren't generally worried when people wipe out on the ice. I've fallen plenty of times, often on purpose in order to show newbies how to fall properly without injury (earlier that afternoon, in fact, Charles asked if I'd ever fallen backwards. I said I haven't, and I don't intend to do it on purpose. Just protect your head). I did nothing to protect my head because it all happened SO fast! So fast that I didn't even scream or have time to be afraid of the fall. One second, I fucked the landing, and the next, I'm flat on the ground trying to reach for my glasses and phone! It was exciting! But everyone told me they saw me smack the back of my head hard on the ice. Huh? No, I didn't hurt my head at all. I was wearing my hair in a bun, though. I'm guessing that broke my fall. I have a lot of hair now, so the bun was pretty cushion-y. At the end of the day, I wound up with a sore elbow (cuz apparently I smacked that too), and a big old softball lump on the side of my ass that made it impossible to sleep on my side. And now I'll never not wear a bun while skating again.

this is supposed to be an all-positive post, so this paragraph goes under a cut!Collapse )

The Dumb Diet Section
I've been stuck toggling between 207 and 214 pounds for months now, so I decided to take drastic action.

I know diet stuff is boring for most of you, so this cut contains 3 drastic measures: fat fast, intermittent fasting, and macro-countingCollapse )

Brexit 1776
I spent July 4th exactly how I wanted to spend it. With Brian, on the hidden street behind the old abandoned hospital with a clear view of the city's fireworks display, drinking expensive bourbon whiskey and smoking to keep the bugs away, on a blanket (so no gravel/grass butt).

The new trailer for seasons 2 and 3 of one of my all-time favourite and short-lived animes in the galaxy was released, and much to my delight and surprise, THE PILLOWS will be featured! They did the music for the original, and that's how most people here learned about them. I fell in love with their music hard! and got every single one of their albums throughout the years. I finally got to listen to the new album, too! Absolutely wonderful, as always.

I binged season 3 of iZombie and loved it (for the most part). The ending was lovely, and I can't wait for season 4.

Started, but haven't caught up with the new Twin Peaks - no spoilers, I'm only on episode 4. HellOOOOOOO!

New Castlevania show is on Netflix, to my surprise. That'll teach me to skip Warren Ellis's newsleters. I haven't started it yet, but it's on the list, and I'm kinda pumped for an R-rated Castlevania written by Uncle Warren.

(hey, that's me!)
I finally made a new website apart from Honey in my Gears (dot com). It's Fawndolyn dot com and it's my new precious commodity. The old site had all of my art that I'd upload whenever I had enough pieces to warrant an update, and it was kind of a mess. I had a lot of sections and sub-sections, and I just... stuff had to go.

I went through print-outs of my old site and X'd out everything I didn't think represented me anymore. I still like a lot of the work I've done, but my style has changed and I wanted the new site to show my current style, and maybe a style before (I have a very small "other works" section of things I wanted to keep. But like... my oil paintings, my school stuff, my sketches I tried to pass off as finished pieces... that's not what I want people to see. People can see that stuff on the old site, or on my social media. The social media helps, because I can post what I'm working on or something I've finished, and it'll be out there and seen, and if I don't like it when I'm ready to update my site, it can stay on social media and stay off my page. My most recent watercolour, which I spent days creating, is one I love dearly, but I don't think it turned out as amazing as I find my other simpler pieces, so it stays on my FB Like page and my Tumblr, but not in the portfolio.

Apparently, that happens to artists - after they finally think they've achieved GOOD AT ART status, they still can produce crap on occasion ;)

Gonna try to make this one short.
I ended up signing up for that aerial yoga class with my friend Jackie after all. We just got back from the class. I loved it. She hated it. She did fine. Shockingly, I did better. I've been the worst student in any and all aerial classes ever, due to the fact that I have too little upper body and core strength. It's blown me away that I'm actually better at something than one of my friends. I feel bad admitting this, but it's almost nice that I'm better than she is. She's part of my Cup Crew (regulars at open mic night at the Lovin' Cup), and I always feel like the loser of the group because I can't do anything better than anyone. There's drawing, but none of them care about that. I feel bad for the schadenfreude... but.......

Aerial Core kicked my fucking ass SO FUCKING HARD. I may have literally died. You are probably reading the ramblings of a ghost. It was BRUTAL. I have to stick it out because I promised Penny (Niki's best friend and the yoga instructor) I wouldn't drop it like so many others do.

Tomorrow is aerial Barre. I don't know how that'll go, but I'm excited.

Other Crap
I got some fun stuff in the mail (raunchy postcard from Adam, swag from Zombina and the Skeletones, art from Keegan, ipsy bag). I'm doing a 30 day song challenge on my facebook (I'll post here when it's over). I've been putting off doing my laundry for a million years. I'm selling my used panties to panty-sniffer pervs on the internet in exchange for Amazon gift cards (no return address on packaging). I sold another Twin peaks button to someone overseas (nobody local ever buys my stuff). I sewed lace straps to the tongues of my skates so the tongue wouldn't slip. I sewed a shoulder strap to my Wuzzles gym bag. I lost my black flats. I cleaned and re-organized my desk. I am planning two keto recipes. And...

I saved the best for last.

A couple weeks ago, I was told there was an open call for artists to illustrate a book of short stories by a local author. I put my name in. I got a pdf (which I promptly printed). I read the stories. I made three (as per requested, up to three) sketches of three stories (one sketch each). I didn't really have high hopes, but I shot the sketches with my phone, cleaned them up a bit, tacked on my new web address and a quick bio, and sent them off on their due date.

Today, I got a reply. They loved my work. They thought I was best suited for the book. They want me to be the sole illustrator. They want me to do illustrations for two more stories, one of which for the title story, and will also be used for the cover.


Do you know what this means??? OMG.

And the best part? It's a paid gig. $500 ($100 per piece), plus a couple copies of the book.

I'm glowing.
21st-Jun-2017 12:07 pm - My Ace Space
Vincent x Diello
Ever since this year's TCAF where I saw more queer comics and zines than ever before, I've had this idea to create a zine about me and being queer (asexual). I want it to be kinda big, and I've filled a whole page with ideas for what I can include in it. One page doesn't seem like a lot, but it has about 50 ideas and keywords I want to cover, including some definitions, diary entries from my teens and early 20s, conversations I've had, coming out, experiences, and Ace Bingo.

Ideally, I'd like it to be laid out like a true zine, but also like a comic, but also like a journal...?

I guess that's not a descriptor for "ideally" so much as "some ideas I want to work with..." or something. I'm shitty at comics - they take me forever to draw to my satisfaction. But I really want to get better/faster at them, so I really should incorporate them into this project.

I also think I want to go under a pseudonym, or split-pseudonym (stories by Jane St. James, art by Fawndolyn Valentine?) because I'm paranoid my family will find out about it, and not only do I not want them to know my orientation, but I may include some childhood traumas that involve them, and I don't want to kick that hornet's nest. Same goes for my podcast idea about First Times - hosted by Jane, produced by Fawn (working on that eventually - trying to gather more stories to work with).

With 50 or so ideas, I may have it end up being a series. I dunno. Once I get started, I'll know for sure. Step 1 is to gather all my journal & diary entries, and text/messenger conversations. Step 2 is to thumbnail some comics and illustrations. Step 3 is to do a layout of what I want to go where in the book(s).

Writing out that last paragraph kinda got me pumped.

It's gonna help that I plan to finally switch out the office chair I stole from work to replace the kitchen stool I use at my home computer now. Maybe I'll finally get some of that fabled OTHER stuff done (which requires I sit at my computer for long amounts of time), too.

crossposted from dreamwidth
13th-Jun-2017 11:35 am - Exercise
MTV - Julie's Mirror
Gonna get a hell of a lot of exercise this summer!

First of all, skating. I bought a yearly pass, which is $150, which will pay for itself in about 2 months.
My schedule for skating is Wednesday afternoons, and as many afternoons over the weekends as I can. Currently working on left-foot strength/balance issues, but can glide one-footed on my right for about 5 seconds (pretty much as long as I can stride anyway). Also working on speed and blade-side techniques.

After skating on Sunday, Niki, Chalen, and I went to last summer's stomping grounds, Aerial Arts of Rochester, to see Niki's best friend Penny in the student showcase. And the three of us decided to sign up for TWO classes - Barre and Core (both Aerial), and Chalen and I are debating on adding a third - Aerial Yoga, which is what I did last summer. Core and Yoga are going to be good for my upper body strength.

And of course, trying to fit in the gym where I can in the packed schedule. I've only just begun the new regime, but I'm already so excited to be feeling results. I think I mentioned last time that Niki informed me I needed to add more weight and rep-to-fail at about 8 reps (still doing sets of 3). I still need to tweak up the weight a bit, but I'm getting there (and surprising myself by how much weight I can already take, when previously I thought it was too much :) ). My hip abductions are rocking me out, but I'm still having issues getting enough weight to challenge the rest of my legs. And the back extensions is a delicate-balance issue for me, because while I feel like I can handle a lot of weight (and do a lot of reps), my day-after back says otherwise. First time with it, I felt beyond sore and into hurt territory for days after.

Starting in July, my schedule will look like this:

Sunday: Skate + Gym
Monday: Yoga
Tuesday: Work + Barre + (maybe Gym) + Cup (dinner with friends)
Wednesday: Work + Skate + Core
Thurdsday: (catch up on house stuff) + Work
Friday: Skate + Gym
Saturday: Skate + (work if needed)

crossposted from dreamwidth
2nd-Jun-2017 01:06 am - Opposites 2: THE BAD
Dean Venture
I covered my first Friday shift at the liquor store last week. It was non-stop busy. Right to the end, I had people in my store. One woman kept shouting "do you have this, do you have that, where the reisling at" while I was tending to other customers at the checkout, trying to get everyone the hell out by 9 (at which point, I cannot, by law, sell any more booze). She finally finished looking right at 9, and I was able to get her out lickety-split. What the fuck.

I also covered my first Saturday shift. It was Hell On Motherfucking Wheels. I turned away a record number of people for not having their IDs. Now, I can usually tell when someone's old enough, but I still need to check their IDs if I have even a shred of a doubt, which was recently amplified when I got wind that a nearby liquor store just got slapped with a $7000 fine for getting busted not ID'ing someone who was under 21. So yeah, you look young: you get carded.

I had 3 people yell at me, but I did not falter. One pair gave me such a fright that I sat next to the silent alarm button until they came back with their IDs and left for good after they made their purchase. Fucking shit. Most people who see me, a relatively new face behind the counter, will go get their ID without issue. Some even say, "oh, new face!" and turn right around without thought to get theirs. Unless you come in every day and are friendly to me, I'm not gonna remember your face and I will card you. One girl even came in 5 minutes after closing (I don't lock the door unless I need to during my closing routine, because it's very quick) to ask if she could still buy (after getting her ID). Sorry, darling. Not after 9.

The bigger problem is when there's more than one (usually in couples), and one of them doesn't have their ID - I can't sell to any of them. They try to bargain, "well, he's paying for it!" Or leave then come back together to switch payers, but no. That doesn't work either. And then there's the ones who pitch a fit because they're "in the system," which is a points system based on your phone number - in no way a suitable substitute for a legal identification, as you could give me anyone's number.

And to top it all off, a regular, who is wheelchair-bound and has to tap on the window for his usual drink (as we don't have a ramp), decided to visit me a second time, barely able to get out a sentence to tell me what he wanted, and then I heard from other patrons that he was passed out in his chair outside the shop!!! I'm not supposed to sell liquor to the super-drunk, but it's a rule that generally gets looked over with our kindly regulars. But for fuck's sake. I texted my boss to ask what I should do, and he said to just check if he's breathing, and if not to call 911. When I had a moment between customers (because of course that happened at a busy hour), he was just wheeling across the street, so at least I didn't have a death on that shift.

Today, however, my one usual evening, was extra quiet. That night prompted me to write a sign for the door window that states that I am carding everyone. It may just be because it was slow tonight, but I feel like it works. I hope so, anyway.

crossposted from dreamwidth
2nd-Jun-2017 12:51 am - Opposites 1: THE RAD
Had a skate date with Chalen! It was his first time out in over a week. I really missed him. We were almost totally alone on the ice on Wednesday, aside from two women, a couple of hockey players, and a kiddo. At one point, we really were the only ones on the whole rink! It was nice, because we had a lot of room to move around and goof around.

We danced together a lot, holding each other at arm's length, as skate-dancers do. Tres romantique!

He also took me for a run! We held each others' arms and he zoomed me all over the rink, because I wanted to know what it felt like to go fast. He gave me some pointers, but I spent the whole time looking down at my feet (not wholly bad, as it gave me a view of what our feet look like doing it, but I have no idea how fast I was going because I was concentrating so hard on our feet! But it felt like real speed! When he took me backwards, I lost my footing and almost collapsed on us both.

He helped me really figure out some of my struggles in moving backwards, too. I can go backwards fairly easily, but have trouble keeping the momentum and going back more than a few feet at a time. That was a tough exercise! Lots of new muscles! I felt that after session :D

At the end of the date, we walked over to the campus (the rink is right near), and chilled out by the pond and talked for an hour or so before our rides came for us. It was therapeutic. I'm really glad to get to know him better, inch by inch.

crossposted from dreamwidth
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