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On Connecticut Renaissance Faire

I went to be the booth bitch for Eliza at the Connecticut renn fair.

And you KNOW emo framed glasses are not authentically renaissance.

So I put in my contact lenses. My ten-year-old contact lenses. Cue Cthulu to come from the depths to slap me across the face with a tentacle. I am a moron.

The Eye Story:
First, everything was fine, but then things got foggy, and I thought, that's fine, foggy lenses, that'll go away. I just gotta rub the crap out of my eyes is all.

By the time Eliza gets me and we get to Pele's house, the world looks like Silent Hill.
Then, on the road, the pain starts in my left eye. So I took the contact out from that one and put on an eye patch, because the other eye was still fine (at which point I realize it's my eyes that are clouded over, not the contacts). Then, after finishing our meal at the rest stop, the other eye starts hurting, so we went into the car and took that one out, and I had a BITCH of a time getting it out and scratched my eye. Well, I've scratched my eye before, and I know the pain will go away in an hour or two.

At the very next rest stop, I'm in the bathroom with the saline that I've discovered expired in '02 trying to flush my eye because the pain is worse and I'm convinced there's something in there. The flush burns like a bad UTI and I just have to grab lots of napkins and hold them against my eye because it won't stop gushing tears.

By the time we get there, I can't keep the eye open, and as a result, I can't keep the other eye open either, because it hurts less when I only keep one eye closed- they both have to be closed. I'm crying in pain now, and stumbling in the dark because it's 1 in the morning and I'm trying to set up my bedding in the booth because there's no way I'm going to be pitching a tent. Eliza was my very spectacular guide. I felt really bad because I couldn't help her unload (well, I tried, but I kept bumping into things and shooting my hand out to avoid further bumpings, so I only had one hand to use). I was so afraid I'd have to go to the hospital because the pain was getting worse and worse and my eye was starting to swell.

I had a rather uncomfortable night. In the morning, the pain was still there, but not as bad. My eye was a little puffy, but I expected that. As morning became noon, the pain started coming back just as full-force as the previous night, and I couldn't look up, let alone into the daylight. The psychic in the next booth offered a spare scarf that I could see through, and I strapped it to my head and I was able to look into a little more light, which meant I could greet people and go get food.

The pain was still getting worse, and I needed to keep my eyes closed. I tried to meditate, but I was exhausted and was falling asleep. Then I had the idea to take a nap, but where? Aha! Under the table. It's covered in scarves anyway. Nobody will see me. So under I go, and I had a very nice nap, and along with the scarf, it helped greatly. I was feeling less and less pain, but feeling as much like there was something in my lid as ever (it was the scratch, there wasn't really anything in there). And I wasn't soaked in tears anymore.

The Rest:
After closing, we went to a Stone Soup pot luck dinner and ate tasty things. Then we later went to a scotch-tasting, bringing the Wicked Lab scotch I brought home (thanks Cliff), and some mead was thrown in there, as was some rum and vodka. Goodie! I ended up with someone else's scotch, and I remarkably found my bottle and we switched. There are many blank spots, and I've sworn off heavy doses of scotch from now on because Crimson was telling me things about what I was doing the night before... oh my... I do not remember that. Not to mention, I woke up still ferociously drunk. Got some Gatorade and oatmeal, came back, showered - sorta... cold water is not my friend- left my boots in the shower stall, set up the tent, battled the wind, and went back for my boots. Then I took a nap under the table again. Woke up with a horrid hangover, at which point I did the swearing off of scotch. Spent the day hung over, went to an after-hours shin-dig for a few moments, and went to sleep. The next day was spent sober, unhung, and doing my homework. And praising my eye for not hurting or being swollen anymore. Shoulda broken out the scotch earlier, eh?

Oh, and about that party night... when I woke up, I'd discovered that it had rained and a part of my bedding was soaked, and the cat pee smell I thought I'd washed out of Kelly's sleeping bag permeated the booth, my clothes, and the rest of my bedding. Wonderful.

Also, the Pirate Pickles booth is my favourite, and I think Eliza and I put their kids through college with our business. We probably had around ten pickes a day... each.

The end.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 11th, 2007 09:41 pm (UTC)
Damn, I'm never getting contacts. Ever. Fuck the Ren Faire.

Oct. 11th, 2007 11:21 pm (UTC)
hoo rah and ray for pickles!!!
they saved our lives!!

you totally helped, even when you were half blind and drunk.

i am simply not letting you touch your eyes, or any hard liquor. ever.


pickings up tomorow...somewhere?
Oct. 11th, 2007 11:44 pm (UTC)
oh, and i like booth bitch even better than booth babe.

can the boys be booth bitches too? pleeeeassseeee???
Oct. 12th, 2007 09:52 pm (UTC)
Abso-fuckin-lutely :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )