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Because That Would Make Me a Smoker

Since I'm so nervous about approaching people, I try to find some kind of common ground I can use to catch their attention, or just do something interesting and hope that strikes up curiosity enough for them to approach me - like drawing or something. Works sometimes, but there's only one thing that unfailingly works. Smoking (well, when I know the ones I'm trying to catch are smokers).

And I combine the allure of smoking with something interesting by smoking black cloves. I used to be a regular smoker, but smoked only cloves. I don't smoke often enough anymore to call myself a smoker. Never bought my own cigarettes (except cloves - once in ten blue moons). But I enjoy the act.

So I guess that does make me a smoker.

But hey, yesterday I made four new friends - the ones I was trying to catch, too. We all talked and laughed, and they let me in on their little inside jokes, and it was just... nice.

It's weird how smokers bond over a smoke break. Smokers standing around outside a building are more willing to talk to each other than people standing in line at the shops. I have made more connections and had more meaningful conversations while smoking than I have trying to strike up a conversation with strangers while not smoking. Take that, D.A.R.E.

So yeah, I guess it's time to admit it. Despite having only somewhere around 10 cigarettes a year, I have officially decided to admit it to myself: I guess I am a smoker. I will continue to NOT smoke regularly and never buy my own cigarettes, and will not smoke with a room full of smokers if there is a lone non-smoker in my company. But it's just time to admit it.

What's ridiculous, though? I've been wanting to talk to those people for years. YEARS. And in one fell swoop, I traded cigarettes like fuckin' baseball cards. Two menthols for a clove, one half-smoked regular for one of the menthols.

Smoking is weird. But just the act is something I enjoy. I don't relish in the head-fuzzies it gives me, I hardly inhale (especially not the cloves) - mostly just puff, I'm not addicted. And I don't buy my own. But I like the feeling of holding it between my lips, my fingers, and the little cancerous kisses I make when I take a drag. The act alone relaxes me.

Smoking culture is weird, too. The people, I mean. The asshole/true friend ratio is bizarre. The D.A.R.E. programme in 5th grade taught me that smokers aren't my friends, and that they'll just try to make me smoke, and don't really like me anyway, and that I'll become an addict, and it's a gateway to drugs. Holy shit, wrong. In high school, I didn't smoke, yet all the smokers let me hang out with them, never judged me, liked me, and were nicer people in general than my non-smoking friends (who made fun of me behind my back and to my face). In fact, I've felt more judged by non-smokers as a non-smoker than I ever have with other smokers as a non-smoker. Even now, my non-smoking friends who don't know I smoke occasionally make me feel like I don't belong, while my non-smoking friends who do know are totally non-judgmental about it and treat me like a friend.

So now that you know, will our friendship change?

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
littlemask
Mar. 26th, 2015 11:43 pm (UTC)
I don't like cigarette smoke but I have nothing against /smokers/. I've known some jerks who were smokers but I've also known some people who were better people than me and they just happen to smoke.I don't judge people for that habit just like I wouldn't judge someone who eats a ton of chocolate as a ritual. (Though I would secretely hope they stop doing that as that's not good for their health.)
diello
Mar. 27th, 2015 01:47 pm (UTC)
I read this comment last night, and I had just consumed a big handful of chocolate raisins/almonds, haha! (I swear, I don't do that often, that was just a coincidence)

Yeah, I've met smoker jerks, too. There are smokers jerks in every social group, sadly. People who blow smoke in others' faces are the biggest assholes on the planet.
(heh, sorry for the weird slip)

Oh, and yeah, I don't like cigarette smoke unless I'm also smoking, or unless I expect it (I mean, I don't LOVE it otherwise, it just doesn't bother me), and I always Febreez the crap out of the clothes I smoked in (they've made that stuff so much more powerful - I remember when I couldn't Febreez the smell of smoke out of ANYthing).

Edited at 2015-03-27 01:49 pm (UTC)
littlemask
Mar. 27th, 2015 08:50 pm (UTC)
:o Well, at least the raisin and almond parts were good for you XD Lol, last night I ended up eating two chocolate cookie/cupcake sort of things. I must have put the urge into my own head! :p

Febreez! -hisses- Imo it doesn't seem to get smells out of anything but instead make noses burn and eyes water with too much perfumy-ness. Hmm, maybe try dusting your clothes with baking soda. I've also heard that you can use baking soda and powered oatmeal as a sort of dry shampoo - maybe that might also help?
diello
Mar. 30th, 2015 03:00 pm (UTC)
I've been meaning/forgetting to look up a homemade dry shampoo recipe! I'm going to give that a shot :)

My boyfriend has the same aversion to Febreez. Never bothered me, but I refrained for his sake. But I jumped on board when they finally came out with a COMPLETELY unscented formula.
littlemask
Mar. 30th, 2015 11:54 pm (UTC)
Whoa. o.o -thinks about it- It's still bad for the environment though. ;p

Good luck with the dry shampoo adventure!
diello
Mar. 31st, 2015 12:06 am (UTC)
Nope! Only aerosol spray is bad for the environment. Oh! Were you talking about the aerosol ones??? Yeah, fuck those things. Gross and smelly! I forgot all about those. I get just the regular hand-pump spray ones.
littlemask
Apr. 1st, 2015 08:49 pm (UTC)
Oh! I thought they all had the aerosol in them. Now I'm going to have to look up the "hand-pump spray ones." Yay for learning new things! :)
aphroditemf
Mar. 27th, 2015 09:44 am (UTC)
Ah, smoking is the best. Welcome to the club, haha!
diello
Mar. 27th, 2015 01:50 pm (UTC)
I'm not even ashamed!
(but still probably won't be telling my non-smoking friends who don't know)
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )