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Heart Breaker.

Had to hit a guy with a truth-by-four the other day.

I shared a class with this guy a long time ago. Those who've been around my LJ for a long time probably remember my Best Adviser Ever (who I sometimes refer to elsewhere in my journal as BAE) Tony, who taught my all-time favourite writing class (Writing for Horror, Scifi, and Fantasy). Tony and I became close almost immediately, and remained tight til he moved away to get his doctorate.

I kinda wish it was Tony who declared his affections for me. But this kid Chris did instead.

I've known he's liked me for a good three years now - the first time he messaged me on FB was as soon as I removed my relationship status. "I'm sorry if this sounds odd that I ask this but I noticed on your profile that it no longer says you're engaged. What happened if you mind me asking?" I think I was a little weirded out by the question, but mostly because I thought I set it so that no one else could see it. I said it messed some stuff up when I switched to Timeline. People were putting up such a stink about Timeline, that I figured that'd be an easy lie. "Oh alright well that explains things. I thought it was odd since you had been engaged for quite some time." Oh alright, you've just been keeping an eye on my relationship status, and I probably didn't have to worry about others seeing it.

Periodically, he's offered me gifts - some pretty good ones, in my opinion (a Cowboy Bebop shirt, some copic markers, a video game, etc), however, I always declined.

I'm not the kind of person who gets weirded out or offended by someone having a crush on me. It doesn't bother me if they don't act on it with unwanted affection. I've had my fair share of crushes on friends, but would be far more devastated to lose them as a friend than I would to be rejected by them (and I don't act upon my crushes). I just treat people like friends. I don't lead them on or feign flirtation or whatever.

After the initial "hey, you single now?" message, we exchanged short messages about art stuff for a while, then he started baiting me (How are you? I'm not good, but that doesn't matter, sorry I'm bothering you, I shouldn't talk to anyone - I said I was always available to listen. His problem? He wants to make a comic book but he's scared. Legit, but not worth such dramatics). If I, say, got offline for a day and didn't get back to the conversation right away, he'd open up another with ":( nevermind" and continue with a random question about me. Okaaaay...

The basis of our conversations, after I just ignore the baiting bullshit, is fun - art, movies, comics, supplies, whatever...

Lately, he's sent me really long messages, almost like pen-pal length, which I don't mind. He talks about the same old stuff, but he's also asking me a lot of questions about my interests, which I gladly answer - what I'm doing for Halloween, am I participating in Inktober, what's my favourite musical, cartoons, music, what video games do I have, etc. But nothing much about, say, my life.

Another thing I removed from my FB is my birthday, which he found through the DeviantArt I abandoned. So I had to endure more offers of gifts from him that I had to nicely decline. He also found out I'll be 34 - 9 years his senior. That did not deter him as I hoped it would. He said he'd make and send me a birthday card, which I accepted.

Then it happened.


"Fawn I've been wanting to say something. I feel really nervous saying it because I don't know how you will take it. I think maybe you've been wondering why I have been focusing more attention on you than I have in the past. The reason is that I am interested in you as more than a friend. I've thought about what I would say and when I would say it. I wanted to write a note to you in the card I sent rather than write this over the cold reaches of the interwebs. I just feel like I can't go any longer without saying something. The reason I have feelings for you is because I feel like we have a lot to talk about with another, you're incredibly kind. intelligent, and crafty. I appreciate someone like you who has creative talents. Plus, you have a wonderful smile and a cute face. I know you're going through some things like hormone therapy right now. I'm not asking you out so much as just putting my thoughts and feelings about you out there. If you don't feel the same I understand. At the same time if you do it would give me great happiness to share in each other's lives if you would want that. I feel like we would get each other. We're both introverted people and we need our own space. From talking to you and what I remember of being around you I feel like we would mesh well. If you accept and return these feelings then that's AMAZING! If not then I don't mind being just friends with you. The last thing I want to do is complicate the friendship we already have."

Alas, my reply: "I'm really flattered, but I have had a boyfriend the last 10 years. I do really enjoy talking with you, though. I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship. I've known how you feel about me for a while, and never let it change the way I feel for you as a friend."

A little ways down the conversation that followed, he slips in this gem: "My desire for women is sometimes too strong. Ever since I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend I've wanted to feel physical intimacy. Not saying that sex is everything but I don't know... It's like in Horror movies when people get bitten by vampires and they want blood to drink, except with sex. I know that's probably a terrible analogy. When I say physical intimacy I mean other things also like hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. It would be nice to feel that again. It would just be nice to find someone who shares common interests that I can feel close to"

A few things I'd like to break up with these notes...
1) He basically just said, "I'll bet you're wondering why I'm even bothering to talk to you."
2) Both of us being introverted and needing our own space is the basis of his desires? And following up my rejection with saying he thinks his problem may be that he's too needy and always desire physical intimacy doesn't really say much for his needing space. PLUS...!
3) Plus, he's saying he have this insatiable desire for sexy-times to someone who is asexual and not very touchy, which he might know if he'd bothered to ask me about me and not superficial stuff like a Favourites survey.
4) We had one class together, and honestly, I don't actually remember talking to him, except maybe once.
5) I did tell him I was in a relationship, back when he first started PM'ing me. Understandable that he may have forgotten. Last week, I mentioned Charles to him. I figured that just slipped his mind, too. I know I'm not "coupley" on FB or in real life, but if he paid any attention to my feed, he could have at least assumed I was dating Brian, for all the posts I made involving me and him. Or, you know, ASKED.
6) Yeah, the vampire thing was a shitty analogy.

He got a little Nice Guy on me, in a "pity me" way. He explained his last girlfriend tried to change him. The way he described it, it sounded like she was just trying to expand his comfort zone, not all-out change him. He filled his page with your basic pity-party memes, some of which I noticed he erased a day later, and memes that are the exact opposite of who he is (like, "I will never apologize for myself or my art" and apologizing for how shitty he thinks his art is, and for his behavior is like, 90% of what he usually posts).

Thankfully, we quickly went back to our superficial conversations, but then had to endure birthday gift declining again. I said this is why I took my birthday off my FB, and he got all sad and said maybe he should remove his too. Like, why? He hasn't replied.

Such dramatics.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
thistle_chaser
Oct. 20th, 2015 10:00 pm (UTC)
He sets off so many alarm bells for me. Hope the dramatics vanish soon!
diello
Oct. 21st, 2015 01:24 pm (UTC)
I don't know if he's just a flake or what, but it seems also like he only clings to facts about me that we have in common - he frequently forgets that I don't like First-Person Shooter games or high fantasy (both with very few exceptions) but goes on telling me all about these games that he swears I'll really like, then will ask me about things I answered only a few exchanges ago...
But I don't think he lives very close by, and he doesn't have a car, so I don't think I'm in any danger of him. And I haven't seen him in person in about 5 years, so... I guess we'll see. Now that he knows I'm not into him, he'll probably back off and go prowling for someone else. Get his non-endearing awkward on.
aphroditemf
Oct. 22nd, 2015 01:33 pm (UTC)
"My desire for women is sometimes too strong. Ever since I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend I've wanted to feel physical intimacy. Not saying that sex is everything but I don't know... It's like in Horror movies when people get bitten by vampires and they want blood to drink, except with sex. I know that's probably a terrible analogy. When I say physical intimacy I mean other things also like hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. It would be nice to feel that again. It would just be nice to find someone who shares common interests that I can feel close to"

What. The. FARRRRRK. In what way does he think this is appropriate or in any way endearing?!

You said he is 25 but to me he comes across as much younger.
diello
Nov. 3rd, 2015 05:00 pm (UTC)
Right? It seems a little "prelude to a rapist" creepy.
I think people who hide away in their mom's basement forever never grow into maturity (especially social/relationship maturity, since he's had too little practice).
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )