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Insane

I forgot to make a Christmas post, but nothing exciting happened. I got cool stuff (namely, my Satanic Celine Dion shirt, and some stuff off my Amazon wish list).

Brian and I hang out at my house and watch movies a lot, despite that my house drives him nuts because we can't smoke inside. I got to celebrate xmess with him, though. He came over with the only gift he got - a Garfield collection from one of his friends, and left with a whole bag of stuff, because I go a little overboard when it comes to buying gifts for my best friends (especially those who are easy to shop for). He had a stocking and everything. He was really happy with everything, and especially happy that he actually got to have a Christmas and got more than one present this year. That gave me the warm-and-fuzzies.

Then he dropped the bomb and told me his big news: he's no longer required to take his medication. In the past, I've teared up over the thought of losing him to his disease (not dying, but being mentally incapable of being my friend, at least as close as we are now), and I'm tearing up a little now just typing this. I kept my composure and cheered for him, but he could still see that worry behind my eyes, and nudged me, saying it's gonna be okay; that I have nothing to worry about. But I've heard the stories, and I'm fully expecting to get my heart ripped out by this new development, in time. In the next couple months. And if he really has gotten better, if he really has become able to control himself, then I'll be happily surprised. Not holding my breath, but I'm hopeful that I'll at least get a hello once in a while. Maybe even be able to share a smoke break, or a coffee break or something. I don't know...

But he's happy. It's what he's always wanted. So I have to be happy for him. And he's damn good at convincing me it'll be okay - makes my desire for him to be right stronger than my suspicions that this is the end. He's spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital - and this is the first year he's been required to be on his medicine (or else it's back to the hospital for him, and he'd rather just deal than go through that again), so I know he'll be okay as long as he doesn't act out too badly. I've seen him at Java's since I was a teenager. I know he'll be okay.

There's gonna be some strange fireworks in the coming months.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
aphroditemf
Jan. 11th, 2016 12:04 pm (UTC)
That Celine Dion t-shirt. Wow. Just wow.

I hope everything goes as well as can be expected with Brian cutting out his meds.
diello
Feb. 1st, 2016 03:16 am (UTC)
The Celine Dion shirt is SO comfy, and apparently shirts from Redbubble smell like bubble gum. I never wanted to wash it ;)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )