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Cheater Cheater Anxiety Eater

John holds a Super Bowl party every year at his house. I attended my first one two years ago, when it was held at Ron's house, because John was too sick to throw a party. Last year, I stayed home, feeling unwelcome and unloved and just throwing a fit to the point where I declared it a video-game weekend in my fortress of solitude (I made a blanket fort in front of the tv).

I expected to gorge myself, so I started early with chocolate and candy I got at Xmas. The sugar diagnosis turned out: don't care for chocolates anymore, except Lindt. And I still love Starbursts and Skittles.

At the party, I ate pizza. So much delicious pizza. And butter crackers! I miss those! I had an assortment of other foods I'd not normally eat. It made me so happy. Until it got crowded.

I tried very hard to stay in low-traffic areas, because I felt myself getting stressed about being crowded. There were children at the party. Only three, but one was a hyper-active kid. I mean, this kid's blood must have been made of pure cocaine! Now, I'm a social introvert, so I love people, but sometimes it drains me. Just watching this kid jump off anything he could climb upon drained me of any energy I had. I started to stress out over being around people.

At one point, getting a soda from the fridge, I got bombarded by two people - two friends, one to whom I feel close enough that if he did accidentally pin me between himself and the open fridge, I wouldn't mind. But today? I started to panic. I ducked and dodged and shouted, "please don't crowd me!" as I slid my way to the safety of an open corner.

I found myself seeking lone spots around the house, while still trying to remain slightly social. There was a teenage couple at the party who wanted a moment of privacy, too, so anywhere I went, they seemed to deliberately follow, which put further pressure on me. I started shaking with anxiety. I never thought I'd have an anxiety attack among friends.

After the amazing half-time show, Charles got my coat and purse and we took our leave. I felt really bad, but at least I wasn't stressing anymore. And I got to eat all that delicious food!