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36 - the year of pathetic self-pity

My birthday started horribly, but ended splendidly.

It started with my excitement that my usual Tuesday Cup Crew would be with me for my birthday, as it fell on a Tuesday. Then I heard R. would be going to Japan for work that week, and since he's the glue of the group, that would mean no one would want to come out. He later told me the good news that he'd be going in December rather than October and that he'd make it to my birthday party after all! Then three people dropped out.

Now, to be fair, I didn't say it was a birthday party, I don't think they remembered it was my birthday, and I don't have my birthday listed on my FB. I also don't want to guilt people into coming to hang out with me just because it's my birthday.

At least I had a flawless sushi plan to look forward to.

I did, however, mention twice in a 10 minute span that my birthday was in a matter of minutes, to a group of online friends in a chat group, hinting that maybe we could hang out just a few more minutes til midnight when it's officially my birthday. No one took the hint or even acknowledged that I said it's my birthday in a few minutes, and the chat ended.

I used to get texts at midnight from a lot of people - radio silence til 1:30pm, at which time I was trying to keep it together on the bus ride home. I wasn't supposed to even be on a bus ride home. My boss should have taken me home after our long-planned sushi lunch. I texted him and asked if he's around. No reply, so I headed to the bus stop. Finally, a reply: he's stuck in Gates. I said OK. A long 5 minutes later, he asked "Why- what's going on?" My heart broke. He didn't even remember. We'd been planning for over a month. I even saw him on Friday and talked about it. I looked for my headphones and blasted metal music on the ride home. Trying not to think of this on top of being yelled at for literally nothing earlier.

S. texted me. I knew she remembered my birthday! She re-scheduled her NYC trip just so she could be back in time for it, even though she wouldn't be physically here. Then she started insinuating plans for tomorrow (today). Because that's when she thought was my birthday.  Not actually a big deal, but it still hurt after the sushi thing.

Even my own mother cancelled plans. Twice. We never rescheduled.

I didn't want any more heartache, so I went to sleep until evening. I cried a lot.

But I also tried to convince my brain that it's no big deal. I reminded myself that I shouldn't care about birthdays as an adult. I reminded myself that M. remembered. That S. rescheduled a vacation for me. That R. has proven true friendship time and time again, even when I feel like he doesn't like me. That it's the beginning of the work week and people are just busy (my birthday usually falls on a weekend). I have to remind myself things like this, because Depression Brain loves to seep its poison in me, and this is all I have to combat it.

Evening fell and Charles brought home an entire cheesecake. I requested just a slice of Cheesy Eddy's cherry cheesecake (my favourite), but since he brought a whole cake, I thought maybe we could sneak it into the Cup tonight. Depression Brain told me no one would want one, but everyone who came, even the lactose-intolerant guy, and our waiter, had a piece!

Upon arrival, one of my two favourite waiters, Daniel (who is now one of the head bartenders) shouted "Happy Birthday, Fawn!" and I blushed. The other favourite waiter, Clarke, gave me a birthday hug, and turned a blind eye to the cake (and offered us plates for it at the end of the night).

Ron, Debbie, Dan, Matt, Me, and Charles shared a table and had a great time. At the end of the night, Daniel put on the soundtrack for the Nightmare Before Christmas, just for me (and him - we both sang some of the songs together up at the bar).

I'm really glad I defeated Depression Brain enough to not call the whole thing off :)


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 25th, 2017 09:19 pm (UTC)
I've never really cared about my birthday aside from "turning point" birthdays like 13, 30, 40...ect. Infact, my birthday is on Saturday and I completely forgot about it until I was drafting up a new calendar at work. I never know what to say when people give me things or wish me happy birthday. Luckily, this year it's on a Saturday, so I can avoid most of that, and just chill with my boy.

Still, I do consider it rude that the chat people didn't say happy birthday, especially if you mentioned it. It's just common courtesy! I thought your boss was rude as well, for being a no show. Again,it's just common courtesy.
It's good that things ended on a happy note though -- and all it took was some cheesecake. See? The world just needs more cheesecake to be a better place!
Happy Birthday!
Oct. 27th, 2017 03:17 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm trying not to get too bent out of shape (and am totally over it now), but the Seasonal Madness has begun setting in. My 30th was a disaster (the boy's family has such severe Munchausen's syndrome that they make up problems and ailments just so he'll drop everything to go cater to their whims, and then no one else could come to my party on top of that, ugh). So I've tried to have a successful 30-something since, with such little success. I'm gonna give up on it and maybe someone else will throw me a party ;)

Happy birthday! (I timed this message, so hopefully I got it right and it now is your birthday ;) )

I'm glad cheesecake was involved in my shenanigans, or else it would have been a total loss! Cheesecake to the rescue! I hope you get delicious cakes for your birthday too <3
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )